Well, I've got a new job after January first: Expert Witness! The lawyers think that the Year 2000 is the best thing to come along since silicone breast implants. Wouldn't you know the lawyers would make something out of this; hey, "Same shit, different millennium."

Kronos is a Massachusetts corporation, and Massachusetts has tons of lawyers, sort of like New Jersey has toxic waste. Why did New Jersey get the toxic waste, and we got the lawyers? 'Cause they got to pick first.

I caught a nasty virus from Alyce Moore in our legal department. It was a computer virus, of course, one of those "Melissa" Word macro things. You know, these days, when you get a message from someone, it's like getting a message from everyone they've ever gotten a message from. I told her she's got to start practicing "safe text".

But of course, we appreciate lawyers when they're on our side, and I've gotten a great deal of help on Y2K from our Kronos attorneys, John DeLuca and Alyce Moore, and particularly Sally Wallace, who's taught me the art of thinking twice before saying nothing.